Dear self,
I'm writing to encourage you in those moments you think nobody is there or you think less of who God has called you to be. The times you are alone in your room with the door locked wanting to get that kitchen knife. Baby girl, it gets better. I know the teasing and bullying hurts right now. I see and understand the unseen tears nobody knows of. I know how bad you just want out. Yes, people were speaking over your life before you were even in your mom's tummy. Yes, the doctor did say you couldn't be, but you know, The Father had the final say on that...
...and here you are.
Woman, you have so much grace and favor on your life! Yes, you will do things and question it later. Forgive yourself, repent, and keep it moving. Yea, you won't live in Denver all your life. There will be a time when your dad will say, "Life will be better in Atlanta." You guys will move and well...you know. Yes your family will experience lack and other things, but that is not your portion. You will be bullied, made fun of and all that. You will sink and close off. Keep moving. You will people please and do things for others. You will try and fit in and it won't work. Listen to me clearly, it is alright. They are not apart of the assignment.
You will graduate high school.
Getting into college will be a journey in itself. You will look at everyone you graduated with and feel sorry for yourself. Stop doing that. Your dad will take you to a job fair. You will come across this guy and he will give you some words that will embed itself into your mind for the rest of your life,
"It's not about how you start, but where you end up."
You will keep going.
A year later after graduating high school, you will attend a college. You think you will party and have this grand time, but your journey with The Father starts there. Oh man, will you have major grace there. You will do more dumb things, but The Father will keep His hand on you. In your mind, you deserve punishment, but The Father is so in awe of you that He will cancel things out because He knows soon you will willingly give your life to Him and not harden your heart.
So, keep going.
You will graduate again...
...and you will fall again, but you won't fall far enough that The Father can't reach you. You will do some more questionable things, but this is the blessing, you will realize you tripping and seek after The Father some more. You will purchase your first car and go from one church to another seeking Him. You will find Him. You will grow and see things you have never seen before in your life. You will soon learn worship. That's kinda your thing. This group Maverick City Music will release this song called, "Most Beautiful/So in Love." You will be in worship one night and the word "captivated" will hit you like a ton of bricks. It will all make sense when you reach 30.
Keep going.
You will graduate two more times: with a degree in education and a masters in marketing.
Your 30s will kiss you ever so softly. You will teach your first group of woman about The Father's love. By surprise, He will overwhelm you with His love. You will be taught a lot that week.
Enjoy the moments.
That's all I can tell you for now. The Father is still guiding you, even if it feels like He isn't. Let Him.
with love,
self
Blog backstory: The Father is so amazing! He instructed me to write this letter to myself while in worship. He was telling me about me. After, He said I defeated the rejection, depression, and everything else I dealt with. Holy Spirit then revealed to me how after I finished writing. He told me to look back at how I wrote the letter (not knowing I wrote it in any particular way) and said those things were defeated every time I would graduate, because I graduated both in the natural and in the spirit. Something would occur, and I would endure for the moment, then I would graduate.
How amazing is that?
Continue until the graduation sis.
